Not comparison: my old and new self

Published: April 2, 2023
Author: Heidi Uskaure
”Hey there, I'm Heidi! I launched this blog back in January of 2023 and I'm having a blast writing in a laidback style. Although, my ultimate goal is to become a pro writer one day. Thanks for joining me on this journey!”

Today was a day filled with possibilities and new beginnings. I felt an irresistible urge to dress up and celebrate, and so I decided to host a housewarming party for my dear friends. The apartment I now call home was recently renovated by my sister and her husband, and I moved in just a few short months ago. As the party ended and my friends left, I took a moment to reflect on how far I’ve come. There was a time when I used to feel lonely, and the thought of falling asleep alone was unbearable. But tonight, as I write this, I realize that I’m content with my own company. I’ve learned to find comfort in solitude, and I’ve discovered that I don’t need anyone else to feel complete.

Lately, it’s just been me and my furry companions, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve come to appreciate the love and positive energy they bring into my life. While I understand the many benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as increased oxytocin and cellular growth, I recognize that I am not quite ready for that kind of commitment. After the end of my marriage, I could have easily jumped into another relationship to fill the void. But I am proud to say that I took the time to fully understand and accept my feelings. I made the decision to put myself first and focus on my own happiness. It’s a choice I don’t regret and has allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible.

Over the past two years, I have undergone tremendous growth in all aspects of my being – physical, mental, emotional, and motivational. This transformation has added layers of wisdom and strength to my core, much like the peels of an onion. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and my capabilities, and I am determined to keep growing and evolving. Each day presents a new opportunity for me to learn, to push myself beyond my limits, and to unleash the power within me. I refuse to be defined by my past, for I am always moving forward towards a brighter future. I am a living testament to the idea that growth is possible, no matter where you come from or what obstacles you face. So I pledge to keep this list updated, to keep track of all the amazing things I discover along the way. For the journey of self-discovery is a never-ending one, and I am eager to see where it takes me next.


Pieces of my old self

As the years have gone by, I’ve realized that I’ve lost touch with certain aspects of myself that used to bring me joy. However, recently I’ve noticed that a few of these things are starting to resurface. It’s not everything and certainly not in the same way, but it’s piquing my curiosity to see what else might return from before my personal growth.

  • Baking: Did you know that baking was one of my past hobbies? It’s been years since I’ve tried my hand at it, but recently I’ve rediscovered my love for it. Interestingly enough, I used to dread the possibility of failure, but now I find myself improvising and experimenting with ingredients. For example, if I’m low on flour, I might toss in some oatmeal for a healthier twist. Oh, and have you ever invited friends over for a cozy tea or coffee gathering? It’s something I used to do often, but I wonder if it’s a lost art these days.
  • Reconnecting with nature: Back in the day, I used to immerse myself in the great outdoors for hours on end. Nowadays, whenever I need to unwind after a hectic week, I hop on my trusty bike and venture deep into the heart of the woods. It’s so quiet there, you can’t even hear the sound of cars whizzing by. I find myself relishing the opportunity to simply breathe and exist in that serene environment. Oh, and I never forget to pack my favorite tea!


Pieces of my new self

  • View on people: I have established boundaries for myself and initiated a selective process to welcome only those who resonate with my essence into my inner circle. Ultimately, I am mindful of preserving my energy and well-being, and I cherish this practice.
  • Bye ego: After years of relentlessly chasing validation from others, I finally decided to let go and embrace my own worth. I realized that I am enough just as I am, and that no amount of external approval could ever add to my inherent value. Since then, I have discovered a newfound sense of balance, peace, and tranquility in my life. I am filled with a deep sense of confidence, self-awareness, and mindfulness that guide my every action, thought, and word. You know, it wasn’t the easiest thing to ditch my ego. After letting go I was filled with such a sense of calmness and contentment. It was incredible how effortlessly I found myself sending out heartfelt well wishes to not only those who’ve caused me pain before, but to everyone!
  • Yoga: Recently, I have been on a journey to overcome the physical obstacles of back pain. Serendipitously, I crossed paths with an inspiring soul named Hannah, who resides in the charming town of Hertford in the UK. Upon our introduction, Hannah revealed that she had been practicing yoga for an impressive eight years. Intrigued by her dedication and passion, I decided to give it a try. After just five days of immersing myself in the practice, I have noticed a remarkable improvement in my spinal health and balance. What I love most about yoga is the emphasis on embracing the present moment and doing what feels good. It’s a transformative experience that has left me feeling renewed and invigorated.
  • Simple details: I’m livin’ the good life, you know? I don’t need no fancy shmancy stuff, I’m happy with what I got. Like, have you ever seen the sunrise? Bro, that stuff is beautiful. And when I see those first flowers poking their heads out of the ground, I’m like, “whoa, nature is lit.” Plus, I ain’t even readin’ the news no more, that stuff is straight-up toxic. And don’t even try to find a TV in my crib, ain’t nobody got time for that noise.
  • Deep-end diving: My wild tales and crazy antics are like the ultimate social glue – bringing people together faster than a super-strong adhesive. And let me tell you, life is way too brief to be hanging around with duds who think they’re the ultimate authority on how to live. Shake ’em off like a bad case of the hiccups!
  • Tired of excuses: I finally got sick of my own lame-o excuses and decided to give them the boot! Now when it comes to taking action, I don’t bother with pesky things like thinking. I just jump right in like a fearless superhero (or a reckless toddler).
  • Situational comedy: I used to think I was about as skilled at this as a penguin trying to fly. But hey, turns out all you need to do is embrace your inner goofball and laugh at your own ridiculousness.
  • Heart-first: I’m the kind of person who jumps into things like a clumsy cat trying to catch a mouse – with all the enthusiasm and none of the grace. My heart leads the way, even if my brain is screaming “Stop! Are you sure about this?!” But hey, life’s too short to be cautious all the time, right? So, here’s to heart-first jumps and hoping for a soft landing.

What do happiness and growth mean to you? Feel free to leave a comment.

Cheers for not bailing on me, don’t turn into a grumpy goose, Lots of love and sarcasm,
Yours truly, Heidi the Hilarious.

Be kind & don’t go changing x



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